Sorrow & Pain & the Artist


In the morning when i open my eyes, after a night of pain, after a night of desperate prayers for consolation, birds sing outside in the sunlight. Outside a window filled with silk colors hanging, prisms on string dangling, blooming violets of pale pinkish lavender in a blue willow pot on a dusty ledge, with quartz crystals in varying hues tumbled together in a pile–all catching glimmers of daylight–the pale sun dares to discretely stream into a darkened room.
The birdsong is a natural sound of joy that serves as a reminder that life is bittersweet. nothing is truly this way or that. Light or dark. heaven or hell.
Beauty is everywhere. It can be found within anything when we choose to look. But within a certain mind all the vibrance of brilliant color is drained by the experience of a hard sad painful life turning everything into homogenized tepid gray. it suits our bad humor, our morbid habitual lack of imagination.
a broken heart sees a colorless broken world, yet a broken heart can accidentally or incidentally fill the world with a type of redeeming beauty that is beyond essential.

An artist takes the bleak mirage and out of necessity recreates–like magical ancient alchemy–an inner vision from whatever caustic despair may block the light. that’s how some of us survive. and in turn, that’s how artists share the art of survival.
an artist offers a vision of recreated determination back to the world as a challenge to its indifference.


Everyone Counts–A Critique on Hate


People are talking. The world suddenly seems incredibly small, because it is. And Rational people are concerned with the rise of hatred in what words we see splattered like blood on a wall, what hatred we see smeared across the television screens and on our little cell phones that are inseparable from our person. We can’t stop looking at the train as it hits the concrete wall going a million miles per hour. As if in slow motion, we watch the destruction as it grinds into something unrecognizable, disintegrating into shrapnel that flies out in all directions decapitating any future anyone may ever have. Is this entertainment? Do we care enough to change our behavior? Or do we just watch as things go up in flames? Rational people are sickened and abhorrently shocked at the absurdity of hatred exploding in violent episodes through the country, throughout the world. None of it makes sense. And none of it is a solution for anything.

And it is all a personal responsibility. Do we choose hatred or do we chose to be compassionate? Everything we do is a choice. Human Beings are not predestined to live like mindless demons controlled by inner ignorance, ego and fear. Anyone can be a good person, but it actually takes effort. It takes no effort to hate and cause destruction, other than a complacent willingness to just fling our insanity at the world around us, blame everyone else and live like a brain-sick rabid wolverine. And just a note to be clear: a healthy wild wolverine has much better, more practical habits than a stubbornly stupid hate-filled person.

This continued violent hatred is a giant shit ball, ever increasing in size as it rolls straight down the hill of denigrating what’s left of humanity to land firmly in hell. Hatred is a death sentence for whoever holds it, whoever projects it and whoever inflicts it on others. Stop making hell for everyone else. If you must live in hell, please do it privately and inclusively on your own.


Stop it. You’re really being stupid.

If you hate anyone or anything, then you need to reevaluate your habitual thinking patterns. Regardless of religious or non-religious affiliation, it is a known fact that psychologically hatred consumes the person who hates. Hatred even makes the person who hates physically sick. Hatred is never a solution and always a problem. Hatred directly causes harm to self and to others. And the human being who ignorantly thinks hatred is natural, and is just a part of being alive, let me just say–it isn’t. Hatred is a poison in the mind and heart. Hatred is a choice. Do we hold onto the poison, do we cast the poison out?

Dysfunction is unfortunately prevalent in the world. People do horrible things. Abusers destroy children and children if they survive it have to choose, “Do I continue to destroy by also being a hate-filled abuser, or do I become the cure for hatred on the planet by letting my own experience fill me with a higher compassionate purpose?” You can be a hate-filled abuser and accuser, or you can contribute to positive solutions–but you can’t do both.

There is always a choice.

And it is a personal choice. Hate stands against anything good–even if not especially, self-hatred. Hatred is a mental and emotional egotistical distortion that a person surrenders to, ignorantly thinks is the way things are or willingly embraces. It’s like falling in love with cancer, inviting it into your physical body and thinking “I’ll be just fine.” after the fact. “Yes, cancer I want you to eat my body, and disease my mind until it causes everything I am to rot and fester, then wither and die. Yes, I want that.”

So the hatred we see boiling over into a venomous momentous idea of having a “personal right” to destroy anyone and everything that steps into our field of psychosis–is not helpful. It is no one’s personal right to harm anyone else. It is no one’s personal right to abuse another person or living being. It is not a personal inalienable right to hate and destroy. It is however a personal responsibility to be a positive human being who causes no harm.

Everyone counts.

If we keep on blaming everyone else for our problems, then we are stupid and are doomed to destroy everything good that we know of life. And that is just the way it is. This world is too small for it to be anyway other than that.

It’s a choice. Choose wisely.



Life, Death & Healing….

The subject of death is one that many people want to avoid at all cost. The idea of death frightens the crap out of most people. Why is that? There are many cultures that are much more connected with the natural sacredness of death that is not separate from the preciousness of life. And, life is precious. All life is valuable, even when so many have no real consciousness in regard to that value. Perhaps the Western Civilization has generally accepted concepts of being ruled by rigid physicality and materialism in a soulless, finite, spiritless existence because it seems “safe” and “sterile.” On the other hand, it could be that most of us cling to religious ideas of punishment and torture in the afterlife that terrify us so much we refuse to consider important matters like how to live and die compassionately, fearlessly and well. Death is an important part of life. It is in evaluating the inevitable prospect of death that we might reconsider what we do in life. In having a healthy well-balanced view on death, we might also find we have a healthy well-balanced view on how to live. And somewhere in the midst of living and dying we learn how to heal ourselves—how to heal each other—how to live fully—how to become whole.


This existence we call life is rather mysteriously amazing. Time and time again we have had prophets, healers, sages and spiritual masters who have pointed the way. The information is available. All you have to do is seek truth. It’s quite simple. So why is it that very few seem to be “seeking truth?” I’m certainly not here to judge, nor do I have that right without condemning myself in all my own imperfections and faults. All I know is what I have experienced for myself. I have lived as a radically dysfunctional person for large part of my life. I have known extreme physical, mental, emotional and spiritual pain. Yet because of my pain and suffering I chose to seek a better way of doing things. I chose to seek truth. I chose to find my own sacredness. And I won’t glorify myself in saying I sought a better way for the sake of anyone other than myself, because that would be a lie. I chose to live better because I couldn’t stand living in hell. Apparently, we do have to choose to be a better person for our own sake because no one is going to do it for us. Although serving others in a life of altruism is wonderful in itself, if we never address our own core issues we will never fully be effective in our goal. But yet, we all have a unique path. Helping others will help us help ourselves. If we seek to heal for our own sake, we cannot help but build a foundation that makes it natural and joyful to also live altruistically. If we seek to help others, those intentions will help us move forward to find our innate value and worth. It is part and parcel of the same thing. If we seek the greatest truth, we will find love.


Considering that I have dedicated my life to finding ways to heal myself and to heal others—to continuously seek and find truth—I have seen how great the possibilities are. I’ve seen it in myself. I’m not saying anything here that I haven’t experienced for myself—in my own healing process—in my own transformation. I’m not here to convince anyone of anything. However, I will not waste my valuable life experiences, which have often been arduously difficult and downright unpleasant, by not sharing what I know with others who might choose a better way of living as I have. The true spiritual path is a practical path. Life is hard, one way or another. So we might as well make something of it.


I have been in the hell of my own mind and I know why I have experienced what I have experienced. I have seen how one thing—one thought, one word, one action—causes another. It is the law of cause and effect. Ignorance causes more ignorance. Fear causes more fear. Hatred fuels more hatred. Love and compassion beget love and compassion. Wholeness is merely finally reclaiming the truth of what and who we are as a human being. I am just one person in the sea of humanity. And yet we are all “of the same source.” If one of us makes an effort and breaks out of the delusion of being a caged rat running around on a great wheel of repetitive suffering, then in some way we all break free with them. That is what the great Masters do for us. They guide us. They give us profound teachings. But most of all they take hold of the substance of our infinite spirit being and rise up through the mire of confusion in this worldly realm and bring us into the pure essence of blissful illumination because we are a part of them. 


So in regard to the possibilities of healing, it is there. Healing is always a possibility. But healing is part of the choice to seek truth and to live fully. We have an opportunity to explore what it really means to be a human being while living on this planet. That opportunity requires some fortitude. If we want life to change for the better, we have to make an effort to go deeper into why things are the way they are in our own reality. I will say that I know that a person can heal physically from most illnesses. But that healing requires mental, emotional and spiritual participation and willingness. Even science has made it plain that we are not nearly as physical as we think we are. Science backs up religion on that point.


In the world of quantum fields, quarks, string theories and the like, a person can expand her mind in witnessing just how little there is of the physical properties we previously thought of as being so solid and immovable. I recommend investigating these facts and theories, if not only to open the mind to the intangible aspects of “what we think of as the material world.” And just to say it in simple terms a scientific theory is not a proven fact, but rather is an educated, researched speculation of sorts. Some theories will one day be proven as “fact,” and some will be proven erroneous. Fact is something that has been established as a relative truth. Faith and science need not be at odds.


“Seeking truth” doesn’t stop at the door of exploring any scientific theory, philosophy, dogma or religious doctrine. Our faith should be stronger than any mere “idea” of religion. And if we are not religious, our point of view should be expansive enough to explore all possibilities, even if it leads to religious concepts of infinite life and pure consciousness. The great religions will stand up to scrutiny in their core teachings, because the core teachings are based in love, wisdom and compassion. As far as I understand, all the great religions encourage the exploration of faith. It is only in the endeavor to understand what we consider most dear to us that we can find our true strength. There is practicality in faith if one understands what faith really is.


In examining scientific concepts, we are given a non-biased, non-religious glimpse of how intangible and mysterious the substance of our physical form is in relation to how solid we perceive our physical experience as being. And as a fact of science, energy cannot be destroyed. When we “destroy” any matter, any material thing, the energy of that matter will continue in the same quantity. There is a continuum that occurs in all that we know of as physical. If you burn a piece of wood into nothing but ashes, it still exists in same proportions or mass, even if what is left is invisible energy. So with this said, why would it be anything other than true to speculate that when a human being dies, there is energy in the same proportion that continues to exist? That’s science. That’s a fact. Why does the idea that there is more to the physical person than can be seen scare us so much? Science seems to support the concept of infinite being, rather than otherwise. At the very least, science does not disprove the limitlessness of what it means to be human.


Noetic sciences study the electromagnetic fields that emanate from the mind and heart of humans and how those fields can affect life within that field. The electromagnetic fields can be measured, even though they cannot be seen.


Death is a sacred part of life. Energy continues. It may be frightening to think about the great unknown, but we must.


“But that the dread of something after death, the undiscover’d country from whose bourne no traveler returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others we know not of? Thus conscious does make cowards of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pitch and moment with this regard, their currents turn awry and lose the name of action!” Hamlet by William Shakespeare.


Do we live in denial of death? Do we let fear of death limit our quality of life and keep us in small dark spaces? Or, do we seek truth and live fearlessly? Healing is a way of restoring our truth, finding our wholeness. All it takes is courage, effort and determination. Throw off the shackles of a limited view and embrace the possibilities of infinite love and compassion. What if we are something far greater, more beautiful, eternal and benevolent than anyone could ever imagine?


I’ll just leave the door open and the light on.


Now for Something Positive…

Just sitting here examining my blog content…

And although I do stand firm with what I write, I can see a pattern of my own of getting out a “rant” or two. And perhaps I should attempt to balance out my passionate outbursts with something a little more on the positive uplifting side.

So I’m spontaneously contemplating what good things there are in the world to be grateful for. Sometimes that is hard to do. But it is an essential practice for maintaining my own sanity, not to mention finding a little bit of happiness while I’m at it.

So what do we have to be grateful for? What specifically do I have to be grateful for?

I have to say that this last decade has been tough. I’ve had to push through my own issues at the expense of my health. But mostly I see healing. I am thankful for healing.

Regardless of how hard life has been, it is clear that with each unpleasant situation arising, I’ve found a way to let go of ideas and restrictive points of view that have held me back. Mostly I have done that through grace. I do have determination to find my joy, but I pray. I pray a whole lot. I’m thankful for that too.

I have begun to miss the time in my life when I had a creative and spiritual community. It was exciting to have life presenting opportunities for creative voice. My life in the past has been a celebration of creative hearts and minds. I am still thankful for that experience because it has the potential to carry me through. And it can always manifest again.

I’m very thankful for creatively inspiring people–artists who push the limits and make whatever they do into an expression of beauty and emotion. I enjoy that.

I am mostly thankful for people who endeavor to make a difference in the world for the better. When it comes down to what I am most thankful for, it is those who love fearlessly–those who will die to save others–those who speak truth no matter the cost.

There is immense beauty in this world. It is endangered. But I am grateful for the natural magnificence that still remains in the wilderness that we are fighting to protect. I’m not sure if there is such a thing as “pristine wilderness” anymore. But there is enough to honor, revere and save for the sake of all life. I’m grateful to walk in the woods and feel the power of life growing and thriving in and around me. It gives me hope.

I appreciate what little things that we do as work and how they can positively affect others without our knowledge. A good word can travel the whole planet like an invisible thread of silken light–binding us in harmony and peace. The mystical mystery of the force of good is omnipotent and exquisite, and I’m eternally grateful for its absolute existence.

I am thankful that there is something more than what we see or sense. If it were not for the pure mind, the pure source, that ineffable consciousness of perfect love and grace, why would I want this experience at all? It is only that source that allows me to have the experience of gratitude. My thankfulness is a by-product of the innate joy at recognizing what is inherently good. It is delight in the secret knowledge that the experience of life is a gift.

Becoming aware of the light within us that is far beyond our own limited conceptions and ideas is a gift. I name it light, but that is still a limited word–a limited concept of what is unseen and unknown–of that which exists before all and as the source of all that is known to be. From this light joy is given to the joyless. It is my own mind, but yet my mind is within the mind of God–inseparable.

I’m grateful for what I am in both relative truth and absolute truth.

And I am thankful for the mystical experience of knowing I am not alone on this journey. I’m blessed and infinitely grateful for the love of God. And God’s love is the love I experience when I love as a human being.

So I am thankful.
I appreciate.
I am delighted.
I am full of grace–
full of gratitude.
And I am glad for the glimpse of the infinite in everyday circumstances.

beyond all brilliance (prose 12/11)

Beyond religion-
Born from innate tradition
Of inherent divinity-
Comes the beckoning
To be free-be free-BE FREE!
The heart, the mind,
The infinite soul-
Have need to celebrate
Untold beauty-
In childlike esctacy-
While gathering in all there is-
All that is real-
Division in an instant heals-
Making whole what seems shattered-
Battered- torn apart-
Somber joy
In reverence
For our deliverance-
Into the unknown
Heaven of eternally
Rising, living, thriving-
Creating us the way we are-
Star, bright star-
In the mind of God-
Shining beyond all brilliance…